Let me paint a picture of how I see people wanting to make improvements…
Let me paint the walls this color, we will get these throw pillows and hang new curtains. We will put a rug over the floor. Take a step back and admire how beautiful it looks. And it looks great with little effort or money spent. WIN!! Then the rainy season comes. Did I mention that it was summertime and dry when the room was redone? Now there is water seeping up and in the room through a crack in the foundation. The rug is ruined, the furniture is now waterlogged, and the curtains are starting to mold. What happened?
This is how I see people approaching self-improvement. They take a look at themselves and don’t necessarily like what they see but they do things that only scratch the surface. Maybe it is too painful to really look in the darkness. Maybe they are scared of what they might find. Maybe if I hold out just a little bit longer everything will shift and work out? Maybe if the other person would just make this change… It looks good on the outside, but it doesn’t change the way things are functioning on the inside. I am guilty of doing this – we all are at some level. Healing the self is rolling up the shirt sleeves kind of work – it does take some level of effort.
Let’s take affirmations (a new coat of paint) – yes, they are helping to change some of the messages we are giving ourselves, but deep down if we have a buried fear or a core wound (crack in the foundation), then the affirmations don’t really stand a chance. Maybe, there were times of trauma and we used coping mechanisms to survive. You can’t affirm your way out of the grips of these automatic responses. Eventually, the coping mechanisms that once helped are the thing that causes the issue.
To really make improvements, especially when the foundation is cracked, crumbling away, or even not there at all, we have to excavate and see what is really going on to make those repairs. Peel it back and look, not cover it up and turn away. It takes the willingness to put in the effort to repair the broken foundation so that the room withstands the inevitable crappy weather.
Another way to think about it, is how do you make your decisions in life? Do you rely on other people, say “no” when you want to say “yes,” ignore the signals from your body? If you don’t trust your decision-making ability, then that is a sign that the foundation needs repair. As humans we are designed to make decisions that are correct for ourselves, we just are not all taught how to do this. Not everyone will understand or agree, but if we have the solid foundation under our feet, then we can confidently make decisions knowing that we are our own navigation system.
What does a solid foundation look like? It looks like:
Saying “YES” to the things that light us up.
Saying “NO” to the things that drain us of our energy.
Listening to our intuition when no one else understands or supports us and moving with it anyway.
Loving ourselves to the point that we have boundaries established and enforced, to care and nurture ourselves.
Knowing that we are unique and special, there is no one else like us out there, and that is just the way God intended it to be.
Standing up and claiming our spot in the world instead of shrinking to fit in and hide under the radar.
Repairing all of the cracks, holes, and misalignments present in our foundation so we can be present in the moment and confidently navigate what lies ahead no matter how big and severe the storm may be.
Foundation work is not sexy, it’s VITAL.